how could i feel good in these moments? how should i feel i didn't throw a whole year away?
rage... it's only rage what i'm feeling... rage against her, against the person who betrayed me with her egoism... i am tired of this situation, i'm happy for what i've lived, but in such moments i would just prefer i'd never lived it all...
she cut away a great part of my life, i liked all what was around our relationship and now i feel i neither can talk with her relatives...
rage, a great rage for this situation, even enanched by my tiredness of this period... when i'm tired you know that i become weak, vulnerable, my shields go down and it's easy for me to let paranoid thoughts bring me moody...
i think that in these moments i still have to come back to my "locus amoenus", my secret place, my lost lands, and write down my weakness, trying to feel better once again...