it's such a strange sensation...
just like when you come at the end of a perfect day, and you're happy for what you've lived but you feel you don't want to live those things anymore... you just want to archive that experience...
i'm not sure if it's an usual thing... somtimes i feel i trace some targets during my life and, no matter if i change, i have to reach them... but when i do that i could have changed a lot and don't need those things anymore... i simply feel free from the chains i made to myself, ready to go on...
one door has closed behind me, but so many roads has just opened ahead... i'm having so many new experiences... i just want to try something different, listen to different music and live different lives...
it's not easy... sometimes i feel like who's trying to give up smoking... i know i have to go on, that it's better , that my past can only hurt me, but i'd like to come back to it... but it's still great to have the consciousness of been doing something right...
and after all i think i'll reach in winning this challenge, changing once again to get my life richer then ever...

thank god there is Les Claypool...

this world is starting confusing me a bit too much... i really can't understand what's in the head of the people i meet anymore... what are they doing? what do they want to do about their life? is it so difficult to stop for a moment, take a deep breath and watch how beautiful is everything around them? the more the time passes, the more i think that the world i used to see some years ago, full of meaningless people, is the real thing around here...
time... it's endless, but someone seems not to see that... they've got so much to do, that they end up wasting it in silly things, leaving the important ones out of their lives...
i'm tired of this situation, i'm tired of seeing people hurried for non-problems... is it the way the world is taking? i just want to jump out of this crazy train before it's too late, before i become similar to them...
when will they understand what is really worth their energy? when will they see the treasure they've always had just in front of their nose?

And if you wanna leave take good care
Hope you have a lot of nice things to wear
A lot of nice things turn bad out there
Oh baby, baby, it's a wild world
It's hard to get by just upon a smile
(yeah...) oh baby, it's a wild world
I'll always remember you like a child girl

how could i feel good in these moments? how should i feel i didn't throw a whole year away?
rage... it's only rage what i'm feeling... rage against her, against the person who betrayed me with her egoism... i am tired of this situation, i'm happy for what i've lived, but in such moments i would just prefer i'd never lived it all...
she cut away a great part of my life, i liked all what was around our relationship and now i feel i neither can talk with her relatives...
rage, a great rage for this situation, even enanched by my tiredness of this period... when i'm tired you know that i become weak, vulnerable, my shields go down and it's easy for me to let paranoid thoughts bring me moody...
i think that in these moments i still have to come back to my "locus amoenus", my secret place, my lost lands, and write down my weakness, trying to feel better once again...

living... living... living again...
feeling good is good for me... living with my friends is great... this is my life and i'll fight for don't letting anyone bringing it away from me anymore...
i don't regret anything of my past, if i look behind i'm satisfied of everything i've done, even because i am what i am since i've lived what i've lived, but now i feel ready to start a new chapter, maybe the most beautiful chapter of my young life...
i could even decide to start a new blog... i don't think the title of this one is appropriate to my situation any longer, but i'll take some time for thinking about it...
the cure seems to be working, even if i still wander how i'll behave when she'll be back to our beautiful country... i only hope i'll be strong enough to do not let her waste my life again... and i think i could be so... i'm looking forward for a good reaction... there is still a lot of time before it will happen and so many challenges are waiting for me on the route to that moment...